


Clean Slates

by MezzoElegy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Boys In Love, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Running Away, as a theme, it's cute, the small town romance au nobody asked for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2019-11-06 08:19:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 9,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17936189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MezzoElegy/pseuds/MezzoElegy
Summary: In an effort to ditch the now-toxic attention that he once craved, pro athlete Nishinoya Yuu leaves everything he’s ever known and moves to a small town where nobody recognizes him in hopes of starting over. While exploring his new home, he comes across the town’s resident “witch” and is surprised to discover their identity: Azumane Asahi, a teammate that he used to admire in his high school days. They lost contact years ago, but now, with everything that has happened, can they come together and work past their issues, or will they only hurt the other’s chances of a clean slate?In short: The Small Town Romance AU Nobody Asked For





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Curse my recent habit of writing realistic fiction. Any and all relation to people or places in real life is purely coincidental, blah, blah, I don't own the characters (regardless of whether or not I'd like to), blah, blah, etc.
> 
> Comments are my lifeblood. Enjoy!

Gesaku was a small, dying village on the west coast, and no place had ever made Nishinoya feel more alive. From the moment he’d taken that last dangerous curve around the darkened mountain too fast and found himself looking out across a village without a single streetlight, he knew this was the ideal final destination of his quest.

He dunked his head underwater and scrubbed at his hair viciously. The sun had risen only an hour or so ago, but in that short time, he’d managed to find the town’s only hotel—if it could be called that—and secure himself a room by scaring the wits out of the old lady that ran the joint (she’d probably just woken up, he thought mutely, remembering her wide, startled eyes and frantic sailor-like cursing at his sudden appearance), apologizing profusely for his disheveled, filthy appearance, and being immediately rushed into the nearest door.

Noya scrubbed at his skin until it hurt, and then rubbed some more. He wondered vaguely if he’d ever feel clean again, after having gone so long without a bath; the feeling of weeks of dirt, motorcycle oil, salt water, and fish guts remained long after he’d rinsed it all off. The stuff in the little bottles the old lady had gestured to smelled pleasantly of orange. It was probably shampoo, right?

He poured a bit into his hand and did his best to wash his hair, arms aching. The hot water was doing wonders for the tension that had made itself a permanent fixture in his system since Tokyo, but it also brought his exhaustion into stark relief. When was the last time he’d slept for more than an hour or two? He couldn’t remember.

The rest of his bath went by agonizingly slowly—too fast—but eventually, he managed to pull himself upright and slip on the little robes that had been left for him at some point by the door. He poked his head out of the bathroom.

“Grandma?”

The old lady rounded the corner from the front desk, eyes narrowing as she looked him up and down. “You still look like shit.”

“I still feel like shit,” Noya replied easily. He tried his best to keep the appraising eye contact as long as he could, but with the little war his mind was waging with itself, it was much more difficult to be his usual energetic, sassy self. “… Thanks for letting me use your bathroom, grandma. If you’ll give me my clothes back, I’ll get out of your hair.”

“They’re being washed. You may as well go and get some rest.”

He frowned. “I can’t sleep until I find a place to stay.”

“This is a hotel, isn’t it? Go and pick a room,” she said, voice clipped. “I think you need it more than my many, many nonexistent guests, hm?”

Noya scratched the back of his head. He didn’t know what or how much money she’d want in return, but right at that moment, he couldn’t bring himself to care. He nodded, trudging down the hall to the first door and pushing it open. He collapsed face-first on what had to be the most wonderful bed on the planet and closed his eyes. Sleep came quicker than it ever had before.


	2. Chapter 2

Noya woke naturally to the sounds of the ocean, feeling more rested than he thought was possible. He glanced at the little clock on the nightstand—12:30. Late in the day, for him, but the six or so hours of sleep had done its work. He stood and stretched, taking the time to look around before trying the door. As he’d hoped, his clothes had been neatly folded and set just to the side, making them easy to grab and duck back into the room to change.

On habit, he searched the bathroom for gel, and when he found some, he let it fall from his fingers into the sink when he remembered he’d decided not to put his hair up anymore. His spiked hair had been his signature back in Tokyo. He rinsed the remnants off his hand and steadfastly ignored the sick feeling building in the pit of his stomach.

Minutes later, he emerged, wandering back into the lobby with his hands in his pockets.

“So, there is a young man under all that dirt and fatigue,” the old lady said before he could even properly greet her. “Your backpack is over here. I didn’t want anybody to trip on it.”

He made a face. “Thank you. Uh… how much do I owe you?”

She waved her hand in the air, exhaling roughly as she went back to doing some puzzle on her desk. “This time, no charge. Don’t make it a habit of showing up to hotels all grimy like you did here, though. Not everyone is as nice as I am.”

“I… thanks, grandma.” Noya hitched his backpack up on his shoulder and looked around, considering. “Say, there wouldn’t happen to be any homes for sale in the area?”

“Many.” She stopped to look at him intensely. “You’re looking to move in?”

“Yep,” he grinned. Her eyes narrowed. “What? I’m a country boy at heart—from up north. Been livin’ in the city for a little too long. This is a nice town, I did some looking around earlier. I like the ocean, I like the feeling; why not here?”

She eyed him carefully. He wanted to shiver under her gaze, but years of pretending to be confident had worn that habit down to nothing.

“You’re running from something.”

His heart skipped a beat. “Running? Uh… no. Not in my nature, grandma.”

She shrugged. “I’m not judging you. Gesaku doesn’t get many new residents, but the ones that do decide to hang around are usually trying to avoid something else out there. Like the young man that moved in a few years ago. Don’t see much of him anymore… What was his name…”

“Don’t care. I’m Noya, though—Nishinoya Yuu. You’ll probably be seeing a lot of me, so you should remember it!”

“Easier said than done,” she muttered, though he got the feeling that she was a little sharper than she let on. “If you’re serious about buying a house, you’ll want to talk to the housing office in the government building. City Hall.”

He grinned. “Thanks. I’ll be on my way, then. I’ll see you!”

The only response he got was a noncommittal “Hm”, and so he took his leave down the road towards a large building he’d seen on his way in. That seemed like as good a place to start as any, right? He paused to consider his motorcycle, and then pocketed the keys, resolving to sell it as soon as he could. If he was going to be sticking around, then he wouldn’t really need it anymore.

Noya set off on foot, whistling some tuneless song to the time of his footsteps.


	3. Chapter 3

Two days after his arrival, the paperwork was done and the money exchanged—a little house, tucked just slightly into the forest away from the main town, had been paid for in full and now held all of Noya’s many belongings: a backpack, two outfits, a crumpled map, and what amounted to about half of a ripped up notebook.

He had spent the majority of the morning rearranging what sparse furniture the city had been kind enough to sell with the house with the help of his closest neighbor, a young man that he couldn’t remember the name of who lived about two minutes down the road, in town. After all that, Noya hadn’t had anything to offer him to thank him except the groceries he’d bought for the day, so the two of them spent the early afternoon sitting on his porch and drinking some unrecognizable brand of cheap beer, just talking. It was… kind of nice.

At some point, after the man had figured out that Noya didn’t really have too much to say about his life, the conversation moved into facts about the town, or what they did to celebrate, or where the best place to get ramen was (It was the only ramen store in town, and it was attached to the market).

“So, yeah—the festival was awesome, but I heard that some kids ran into the forest and saw the witch—”

Noya nearly spat out his drink. “Did you say ‘witch’?”

“Hm? Oh. Yeah, I guess that’s another thing we’ve got goin’ for us. We’ve got a witch. He doesn’t come into town basically ever—I don’t know how he’s still alive, but he’s super scary. Lives on the other side of the shrine. Don’t trespass on his property, or he’ll definitely curse you. And I mean, I don’t know you that well, but still. That would suck.”

“Suck, indeed,” Noya said, dry. He took another sip and let his mind wander as his neighbor continued talking. A witch, huh? And a man, at that…

A little grin pulled at his lips. Might be worth exploring.

Not too much later, the man’s wife called him home, and Noya spent about the next five seconds wondering what he was going to do with the rest of his day before he decided to go pay a visit to the resident witch. As the newest member of the community, it was his solemn duty to introduce himself to everyone that lived in the area, right? That had to include this so-called “witch”.

He left everything in his house and began the hike up the road to the shrine. What’s-his-name had said, very specifically, “the other side of the shrine”… So that was his first step. When he arrived, the little gate that towered above him was painted a chipped and fading orange; he briefly considered climbing the stairs to go pay his respects and maybe do some praying about his new life before another dirt path caught his eye.

It was thinner, obviously much less used, and headed exactly in the direction Noya imagined the witch’s house would be in. He bowed his head in thanks to the gate for showing him the way and took the path that lead away from the stairs.

After a minute, Noya’s legs began to ache—he was obviously climbing a mountain, by this point, and though he was a few weeks out of practice, the slight burn felt good. Really good, actually. Familiar. He took off sprinting. The path was clear, luckily, and really straight, so it was perfect for running. It took him all the way past the highest point of the lighthouse, which he could barely see all the way out on the coast through the mass of trees, before dead-ending into a large patch of… something.

He skidded to a stop, breath coming in short gasps, and looked around. The path seemed to continue on the other side of whatever plant was growing in large, fragrant clumps in front of him, and it lead straight up to a small house—similar in size to his, and at the same time, the two were nothing alike.

Whereas his house was more like a traditional family home, all sparse and made of that strange plaster material, this house was entirely wooden, and it had plants growing everywhere. In the flowerbeds, in the windows—it seemed like in places, plants were growing out of the walls. A pile of sticks sat near the door, each one supporting a jar filled with different unknown liquids and somehow, even more plants. The shack was complete with the largest trees he’d ever seen overhanging the roof, and an illegibly faded nameplate by the obviously unused mailbox.

Noya tensed, immediately understanding why people would think a witch lived here. Even so, he hadn’t come this far to chicken out when he was fifteen feet away, so he politely stepped around the patch of whatever-was-growing and continued up to the door. His nose didn’t know what to think—the smells of earth were so potent, it was almost overwhelming, but it was also oddly relaxing.

He glanced briefly at a jar that had some purple weed poking out of the top before knocking, heart in his throat. There was no way he was going to get cursed. Witches weren’t real, this guy probably just really liked plants, and—

The door swung open, and Noya took an instinctual half-step back, nerves on their last legs. He widened his eyes as he came face-to-chest with someone who also took a half-step backwards. He raised his head to make eye contact at the same time the witch— _he_ —looked down, and they met halfway with mirrored expressions of discomfort and surprise.

Noya looked up and met familiar eyes, roving over his own face like they couldn’t quite believe what they were seeing. He felt a shiver run down his spine.

“Asahi-san,” he croaked out, shoulders falling. He wondered how fast his heart had to beat before it would pop out of his chest. Of everything that could have happened…

The wide, brown eyes of his high-school teammate looked back at him, as unsure as ever. “… Nishinoya? How.. what…?”

“The whole town thinks you’re a witch,” Noya blurted by way of explanation, as if that would clear all the questions between them away.

Asahi swallowed, hard. “… I can’t believe this…”

Noya managed a shrug. “I mean, big, scary guy moves into the most remote house on a mountain, grows the freakiest garden anyone has ever seen, and never comes into town? I can see it.”

“No, I can’t believe _you_ —you’re _here_ —how did you find me?”

“My neighbor thinks you’re a witch and I have no impulse control,” he clarified. Asahi looked like he wanted to melt into a drain, and at that point, Noya would have gone with him. An odd feeling surfaced in his chest; he wanted to run. Get as far away as he could from this unexpected, and frankly, unwelcome connection to his past, and instead, he ducked his head and said, “But… since I’m here, you… wanna catch up, or something? It’s… been a while…”

Asahi—god, was it really?—sealed his lips, nodding mutely. He gestured vaguely for Nishinoya to come inside, which he thought about for all of five seconds before ducking past him and into the little cottage. The door shut with an oddly final ‘click’ behind him.


	4. Chapter 4

The inside of the shack was homelier than the outside. It was clean, though obviously lived-in, with pictures of scenery covering one wall almost entirely, and a few dishes scattered on the counter of the kitchen, tucked into the back corner. It was all one room—two, if he counted the bathroom that he didn’t notice for a few seconds—and all in all, it was… cozy. Not as many plants, but lots and lots of books. How had he even carted all of them so far up the mountain?

Nishinoya couldn’t help a snicker, interrupting Asahi, who he hadn’t even really realized was speaking.

“… much but I can maybe make tea,” he trailed off, eyebrows furrowed. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, it’s nothing. Sorry. Just… your house is so…   _you_.”

Asahi averted his eyes, hands clenched uneasily at his sides. Nishinoya found himself in the same stance; he forced himself to relax, trying for a mischievous gigawatt smile and only managing to wince.

They stood in silence for a long time, but eventually, Asahi said, “… So, welcome. What have you been up to, No… Nishinoya?”

“Noya’s fine.” His voice didn’t come out as loud as he wanted it to. “Uh, you know. Nothing much. How about you?”

“Moved into the woods and became the local witch, apparently,” Asahi said, voice dry. Noya felt some of the tension bleed from his limbs. Jokes. Jokes were good. “… Nothing much, huh? Not since you graduated, really? I always kind of expected you’d… I dunno, go pro or something. You were the best libero in the prefecture.”

His words twisted in Noya’s gut. He suddenly felt very sick. He laughed. “Oh, me? Nah, nah—couldn’t have done that. Just, uh… Just been travelin’, I guess.”

Asahi hummed. He still hadn’t managed to meet Noya’s eyes. “That’s nice. I did that, too, after… well, I tried college for a bit, but… That didn’t work out. You know.”

“Mhm.” Noya finally caught his gaze again, that same swirling brown that had been the highlight of his second year of high school. He knew that look. Asahi was scared. “… Look, man, I—I’m really sorry to bust in on you like this. I don’t think either of us were really prepared for something like this, so I’ll just… let myself out. Uh, it was good to see you, though. You look good. I mean… Well, you know. See you around.”

He barely caught a glimpse of Asahi’s widening eyes as he turned and made his way out of the house, throat burning. Before he knew it, he was tearing back down the mountain, blindly trying to outrun something that would likely stick with him forever. He stopped himself at the gate of the shrine, leaning heavily against peeling orange with tears blurring his vision.

He had finally found it—his perfect escape, a place where nobody knew him, where nobody recognized him or knew his name—and then _this_ had to go and happen. Emotions roiled around in his gut, too jumbled up to be distinguished. One breath at a time, he sorted them back into their little compartments in his brain: anxiety, fear, hurt, anger, joy, confusion, and something… else. He tucked them away and took one last deep breath, eying the shrine once more.

He should have prayed for luck first.


	5. Chapter 5

Noya lay splayed on the floor of his house, a little closer to tipsy than he’d ever been, some obscure Chinese music playing through harsh static on the failing radio, and his fading blond streak falling into his eyes. He huffed out a breath to displace it, only to have it fall right back where it had been annoying him before. Time to get it cut.

The sun was falling rapidly outside, and while he couldn’t hear the ocean, he knew that the boats would be returning to shore briefly so the fishermen could get home to their families in time for dinner. He sighed miserably, thinking of what remained of his family back home. The sudden tears building at the rims of his eyes was more than enough for him to crinkle his nose at the rest of his beer and to shove it aside. He didn’t really like drinking much, anyway, and it was really messing with his ability to brush things off.

After all, he’d chosen this, hadn’t he? What was left for him back home, or back in Tokyo, with the team? Nothing, there was nothing else—

A soft knock at the door drew him half out of his wallowing. It was enough for him to remember the polite thing to do was to get up off his butt and answer it, anyway. He wiped at his eyes a bit and dragged himself to the door, pulling it open with a muted, “Hello?”

The sight of his old high school crush standing on his porch with a bag of something that looked suspiciously like snacks and a barely-there embarrassed flush to his cheeks was almost enough to bring Noya to tears again.

Almost. Luckily, he wasn’t nearly drunk enough for that, and so he skewed his lips into something approximating a hesitant smile.

“Have you been crying?” Asahi blurted, eyes wide, and Nishinoya dropped the smile and reached over to slam the door. Asahi stopped it with his hand and a cried, “Wait, wait! I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—I didn’t mean to say that.”

“What do you want?” It came out harsher than he’d intended, especially considering that Asahi had done nothing wrong.

To his surprise, Asahi didn’t flinch at his tone, only softened his gaze and voice. “… I brought food. Can I come in?”

Looking back, Noya liked to pretend that he’d thought about it for more than his usual five seconds.

“Yes, please.”


	6. Chapter 6

Catching up with Asahi was… therapeutic. Slow-going, for sure, but for Noya, that was how it had always been. They intentionally kept the conversation light and easy, one of them always expertly dodging the topic when something too heavy for the current state of their relationship came up.

Something had changed about him, Noya decided at one point, halfway into a bag of chips. Despite how he’d seemed earlier, he was more confident in himself. He looked almost exactly the same—it seemed that nine years of experience hadn’t quite been enough to change his appearance. He still boasted his “wild” look from high school: half-up long hair and a goatee, over a too-big sweater in some horrid pastel. What had changed was how he held himself. Asahi sat a little straighter, now, a little more relaxed. He laughed easily. He still didn’t take compliments well, but that was something Noya could work on…

He paused, chip in the air. Was he actually seriously considering an ongoing friendship with the man? He’d so desperately wanted freedom. And then Asahi had walked back into his life, and Noya… now he wanted…

“Are you still in the habit of running from things that make you uncomfortable?” Noya asked suddenly, a burning need throwing the question out before he could stop himself. He mentally cursed his big mouth as Asahi widened his eyes. He’d messed up.

Asahi cracked an amused smile, pulling his water up to his lips. “If I were, do you think I would be sitting here with you right now?”

He took a long sip; it was enough for Noya to catch his bearings after that shocking answer.

“So I make you uncomfortable, is what you’re saying,” he managed. Asahi’s sudden laugh set Noya’s cheeks on fire.

“Mhm, I wouldn’t say that. A long time ago, that might have been true,” Asahi blinked, looking all too much like he’d just had his own foray into the past. “I mean, you’ve always been a force, Nishinoya. Like… a thunderstorm. Forces of nature can be pretty overwhelming. But right now, we’re a little older, a little more experienced. And I can honestly say, sitting with you here now, that the storm has been missing from my life. I didn’t really realize until a few hours ago. I missed you. That’s why I want to try this out again.”

Noya wondered for the second time that day if it were possible to melt down a drain. He buried his head in his hands, ears burning. “… You can’t just say things like that, Asahi-san…”

“Sorry, was that too much?” Noya peeked through his fingers to see Asahi turn his head away, cheeks reddening. “I wanted to be honest with you. You always expected that of me, before.”

“I still expect that from you, obviously,” Noya muttered, eyebrows furrowed. “But still, why do you have to be so embarrassing about it?”

Asahi chuckled, a low sound that squeezed at something in Noya’s chest. “I’m sorry, Nishinoya. I didn’t realize you were sensitive about that kind of stuff. I’ll endeavor to do better in the future.”

“Sensitive!” Noya finally lifted his head, frown set. “I think I need to get my ears checked! There’s no possible way that the last person on the planet that should be talking about _sensitivity_ just made a jab at me—”

“There’s my Nishinoya,” Asahi grinned. Noya trailed off helplessly, wondering if his face would ever return to its normal temperature. He must have still been a little tipsy, because sober Nishinoya, even at the height of his pathetic, juvenile crush on the man, would never have been in so deep. Had to be the alcohol. That was the only explanation. “Well, I should be going. It’s pretty late. It was good to see you, though; we should do this again.”

“Soon,” Noya blurted. “Like, tomorrow?”

It was Asahi’s turn to be at a loss for words. After a moment, he smiled. “Yeah, tomorrow. I’ll… I’ll drop by.”

“Good. Now get out.”

Asahi’s laugh echoed in his ears. He turned to smile at him before he closed the door with a quick, “See you tomorrow, Nishinoya.”

The door shut; Noya immediately turned to the couch, grabbed a pillow, and screamed at nothing in particular. Too many emotions for one night.

Asahi had said he’d missed him, said that he’d wanted to try being friends again. More than anything, Noya wanted to forget how pitiful he’d felt upon realizing that he wanted that, too.

Having a friend again would be nice. One that liked him for who he had been and didn’t know anything about the last nine years? Even better. His stomach lurched. When had he gotten so nervous about these things? When had he gotten so horribly _pathetic_?

Maybe he should go for a run. Exercise. Exercise was thoughtless. Exercise was good. He couldn’t think about his mixed feelings if he was sweating through his shirt.

He slipped his shoes on and tore out the front door, mind already clearing.


	7. Chapter 7

Asahi stretched his arms up and exhaled, leaning back on his palms with a long sigh. He looked to his left and out towards the ocean—where Nishinoya stood, laughing aggressively at what, to Asahi’s eye, appeared to be nothing at all. He quirked his lips up in a smile. Nishinoya had changed a lot since high school, but in the end, he was still the same Nishinoya that he’d known and—

“Asahi-san!”

He blinked. “… Asahi. What, did you get bored?”

Nishinoya came to a stop on the rock next to him, squatting down. He made a face. “Yeah, but why do you have to say it like I’m four?”

“You mean—sorry, you’re _not_ four?”

“I’m gonna hit you—”

He smiled, tilting his head. “Mhm. Well, what do you want to do now? We don’t really have a beach, just these rocks…”

“Nuh uh, Asahi-san. I’ve been calling the shots for two weeks now, it’s your turn. If you make me pick something else, it’s gonna be something physical. Running, swimming, hiking—seduce me, for all I care. I’m bored.”

The red that ran up Asahi’s face was sudden and all the way up to his ears. Noya decided that it was cute—and then decided that he was okay with that.

“N-Nishinoya…”

“It’s Noya! So, what’s it gonna be?”

Asahi shifted uneasily, scratching the back of his head. “Well… How do you feel about a walk? Just around town. That’s kind of… um, physical. It’s looking like it’ll start to rain soon, anyway…”

“That sounds nice,” Noya toed the ground, hands in his pockets. “Let’s go.”

They wandered around town for a few minutes in silence, only broken by the occasional distant thunderclap or Noya’s excited pointing at some new discovery. It was, “Look at that, Asahi-san!” or, “Did you know that was there?” or, “Hey, you okay?”

The last one drew his attention—they had made it back to the road that lead to the rocks they had spent the majority of the morning on. Nishinoya’s gaze was intense, just as he always was.

Asahi shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah. I was just… thinking. Stuck in my head.”

“As usual,” Noya grinned, nudging him with his shoulder. “You have been since yesterday. You need to talk?”

“No, I just—I was thinking about you, actually.” Asahi shrugged. “You’ve really changed life around here. You know?”

“Who, little old me?”

Asahi chuckled, leaning his head up to look at the sky. “Yeah, you. It just makes me wonder why you’re here. With me. You—you bring energy, and you do so much… living. You’re amazing.”

“What do you mean, ‘why’? I’m here because I am,” Noya said easily. “Simple as.”

“No. Nobody comes to Gesaku ‘just because’,” he mused. “Like, me. I’m here because I ran away. Seven years ago, I ran away. And I ended up here, and the town took me in. So someone like you, Nishinoya? Someone who could have done anything, who improves lives wherever he goes. Something happened.” Thunder rolled somewhere in the distance—there were tears building at the rims of Asahi’s eyes. “What could have happened to you that was so bad? To _you_? Why are you here?”

Rage pooled in his chest. Where was this coming from? Why was he suddenly so upset? Sure, he’d been a little off the last few days, but still… “… Are you done?”

“Not really, no,” Asahi scrubbed at his eyes. “I left. I left! Dropped off the face of the planet, so that nobody would know who I am, and then you… _you_ … Found me, and why don’t I want that anymore? Why are you here?”

Nishinoya clenched his fist. “So that’s it, is it? After all this, you don’t want me here?”

“That’s not—that’s not what I meant and you know it,” he said helplessly.

“I sure as hell don’t know, so you’d better explain yourself pretty damn fast.”

“I… Nishinoya, I used to dream that you would find me. That we could… But I ran away. Nobody knows where I am, so why are you _here_?”

Some of the anger bled from his system. “… Asahi, if you wanted me, then that’s why I’m here. Weird, horrible trick of fate that we both needed to disappear. But it brought us together, didn’t it? Like you… Like we wanted.”

Asahi looked near tears again. “Why did _you_ need to disappear, Noya?”

He eyed the ocean for a long time.

“We should get back to town. It’s gonna storm.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The very first concept art for this work I ever did was for this chapter. It's actually my favorite Nishinoya I've drawn to date. And, again, on a post-it at work. One-trick pony, indeed. So here it is!
> 
> https://mezzoelegy.tumblr.com/post/183462154363/concept-art-that-came-into-use-for-chapter-7
> 
> Lordy, I love making these two suffer.


	8. Chapter 8

The rain came down in sheets, obscuring the town and the mountains in silvery fog. Nishinoya pretended not to hear Asahi’s whining behind him; when he did hear it, he tricked himself into thinking he was hearing, “Oh, my hair, no, my stupid perfect face” and not, “I hope we don’t catch colds—isn’t it kind of early for such cold rain?” Because honestly, how dare Asahi be concerned about something practical when Noya himself was steaming over what, in the end, had been an argument about Asahi’s insecurities.

He knew that, but it still burned at him. Asahi had always been worried about stupid things like… like the future, and how people thought of him, and even though he was better about it now, Noya knew those kinds of anxieties didn’t just go away. His hadn’t. So of course he knew.

Noya sighed, squinting through the rain. He could make it back up to his house without an issue, but Asahi had a point about catching cold. The rain didn’t seem like it was going to let up, either. He took a deep breath and grabbed Asahi’s hand, pulling him roughly under the unused bus stop as they passed by.

“Nishinoya--!”

“Look, Asahi,” he said, voice quiet against the rain. Water dripped from his too-long bangs into his eyes. Asahi turned his head away and made an attempt to pull his hand back, but Noya held it tighter, furrowing his eyebrows. “No, look at me. This is important.”

He huffed out a breath, but did as instructed, eyes hesitantly meeting Nishinoya’s.

“… What is it, Nishinoya?”

He pursed his lips. “I understand.”

Asahi stood silent for a long moment, eyes wide. Before long, he frowned. “I don’t think you do.”

“No, I really do. You… you were right. I came here because something happened, and I’m not—I’m really not ready to talk about it. But it was… it was bad,” Nishinoya exhaled, shaky. “I came here because I wanted to get away. I needed it. To be somewhere nobody would recognize me. I’m… not unrecognizable, but please, don’t look me up. And running into you, it really messed that up for me. It… scared me. But I like you, Asahi, a lot, and I want both of us to be okay with that. With all of it. With each other.”

Asahi’s cheeks lit up. He didn’t seem to know what to say, chewing on his bottom lip. Noya wanted to reach up and stop him—but that would be weird, wouldn’t it? Of course, being so vulnerable at all was weird to begin with.

Eventually, Asahi managed a gentle, “Okay, maybe you do understand. I’m sorry I got so upset. It had just been mulling around in my head, and… I don’t know, I was overthinking again. I’m sorry.”

Noya leaned forward a bit and wrapped his arms around Asahi’s waist, burying his nose in his chest. “I know. Me, too.” He pulled away before Asahi could react, instead holding out his pinky with burning cheeks. “… No more of this ‘taking our problems out on each other’ shit, deal?”

His larger pinky entwined with his, Asahi murmured, “Deal. It’s about time we moved past how we dealt with things in high school.”

“Good.” Noya was sure that his heart was going to pop out of his throat. He wanted, he wanted, but for now, he and Asahi needed to be friends. He knew that. “… Good. Well, hey, I didn’t shove you this time. Nothing broke.”

Asahi’s laugh was warm, but Noya still shivered at the sound. He bent down and brushed Noya’s bangs out of his face, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead. Not lingering, not suggestive of anything else, but more than enough to fry his brain and send him into overdrive.

“You were totally about to punch me back there. Don’t think I didn’t see that little fist of yours.”

Noya’s ears burned. “I’ll still punch you, bring your face back down here—”

“Oh, look, the rain’s slowed down,” Asahi said, ambling out into the rain like it was nothing. It had not, in fact, slowed down, and Nishinoya was beginning to suspect that Asahi just wanted an easy way out of the situation.

Even so, he raced out after him, chasing broad shoulders through the rain, all the way down the road.


	9. Chapter 9

Noya woke up from his dream in a cold sweat. He gasped for air, breaking the silence—when had he stopped breathing? _Why_ had he stopped breathing?

He sat up and rubbed at his eyes, heart slowing in his chest. It was unusual that he had nightmares anymore, let alone ones that he couldn’t remember. Doing his best to shake off the feeling of general unease crawling slowly up his spine, he rolled out of bed with a rough exhale, deciding that he probably just needed a glass of water.

He plodded to the kitchen, bare feet noiseless on the floor, and reached up for a glass; his eyes caught motion in the distance out his window, and he stopped. Squinted. Rubbed his eyes.

Couldn’t have been a person, right? Everybody in this town went to bed super early, and it had to have been at least two in the morning…

Without thinking too much about it, he pulled his sneakers on and stepped outside, muggy summer air beading sweat on his skin. The ocean breeze cooled it quickly as he walked. He ducked under a sign to turn into the small alley-like road that lead all the way through town and hummed as he caught sight of a silhouette sitting near the water.

He approached without a word, recognizing the wide frame and the pull of a too-tight bun that couldn’t quite hold all the hair at the nape of the neck. To his surprise, even when he accidentally kicked a rock, Asahi didn’t turn around—he didn’t startle, or jump.

Noya caught glimpse of a thin smile. Just the barest glimmer of teeth against the moon. “Nishinoya.”

He said nothing, stepping around to his back and kneeling down behind him. He slipped his arms around Asahi’s and settled his chin on his shoulder. Noya blinked slowly, watching the gentle waves. Asahi shivered.

“What are you doing up so late?” Asahi murmured.

Noya shrugged. “Woke up. Saw something.”

Asahi tilted his head back—it put a little pressure on Noya’s shoulder, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Not with Asahi side-eying him like that. He felt him unwind, a subtle shift in demeanor that he’d learned meant that Asahi had been overthinking again.

“You always manage to find me when I need you, Noya.”

His ears burned. He forced himself to break eye contact, looking out at the water again. “That’s…” Something twisted in his gut. God, they were so close. “… Asahi…”

“Sorry, did I embarrass you again?” Asahi chuckled.

Noya buried his nose in Asahi’s shirt, hiding his eyes. “No.”

His voice had a teasing lilt to it as he asked, “Are you lying to me, Yuu?”

Whatever Noya had been going to say jammed violently in his throat. His heart joined it, the resulting clench in his chest so severe it almost hurt. He didn’t know if he wanted to smile or kick him. It took his breath away.

He glanced back up, eyes meeting gentle brown. Noya wondered vaguely how red his face was, and then just decided to be glad that it was dark. He wasn’t used to this—to Asahi being just as physical, just as playful. To suave and collected Asahi. To an Asahi that had just used his first name.

Too late to back out now.

Not like he really wanted to.

Noya followed Asahi’s gaze slightly down. Watched him tuck his lower lip under his teeth, and finally, _finally_ , Noya could reach up and free it, thumb running gently over the marks he’d made by biting too hard. Asahi sucked in a shallow breath at the contact.

“I…”

Asahi trailed off, so Noya leaned impossibly closer.

God, he wanted.

“I want to kiss you,” Asahi’s voice trembled, one warm hand sliding up to cup Noya’s cheek. He twisted his head slightly, pressing a soft kiss to the inside of his palm.

He hoped Asahi wouldn’t mind how shaky he was.

“Good, because I want you to kiss me.”

There was only a brief moment of hesitation, and then Asahi leaned forward, sealing their lips together in Noya’s second ever kiss. It was so, so much better than the first.

Noya felt the ghost of a hand brush his throat, and he forcibly yanked a bit of his own hair to keep his mind from locking his self-control in a dark closet somewhere so that it could run wild. Unfortunately, he had to separate from Asahi to do so—instead of pulling away completely, he pressed himself as close as he could to Asahi’s back, squeezing his eyes shut.

“What… what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Noya choked out, hands clenching in his shirt. He steadied himself with a deep breath. “It’s nothing. I’m just… overwhelmed.”

Asahi’s hand found its way into Noya’s hair again, moving in gentle strokes. He didn’t try to turn around, didn’t press. He really was perfect. Noya wanted to cry.

“I understand.”

_… No, I don’t think you do._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have art for this, too, I swear-- it's Concept #2. I just can't find it. I'll post it when I do, though, promise!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found the art I was looking for! I also did a doodle of the town, just so you all can kind of... see what I had in mind, I suppose. It can be found on my tumblr, here!
> 
> https://mezzoelegy.tumblr.com/post/183622751993/i-found-it-the-mysterious-and-elusive-concept-art

“I was thinking about taking a trip into town tomorrow,” Asahi said suddenly. The comfortable silence of the room was entirely shattered, though he still hadn’t looked up from his book.

Noya squinted, wondering if he was even really reading. “Oh. Okay.”

“I just need some stuff,” he answered the question that Noya hadn’t asked. “It’s kind of a long trip, so I make sure to stock up, but… it’s about time. I was gonna ask if you wanted to go with me.”

He rolled over, nearly kicking Asahi in the face in the process, and tried to meet his gaze. Asahi still hadn’t looked up, so Noya nudged his arm with one socked foot.

“It’s rude to hold a conversation without looking at your partner, Asahi-san.”

“Is it?” A little smile pulled at his lips, and he still refused to look away from his book.

Noya sighed dramatically, flailing his arms. “Fine! I guess you don’t want me to go into town with you. That’s cool. I have better things to do here, anyway.”

Finally, Asahi looked at him, brown eyes mirthful in a way that made his heart swell. He was so far gone.

“Better things like what? Sitting in your living room and wallowing?”

“Damn skippy,” Noya muttered, crossing his arms. “But, since you finally made eye contact with me like a man, I suppose I could accompany you on your journey. The wallowing can wait.”

“Well, that’s too bad, since I’m not taking you unless you pay the toll. The price of your gall.”

“Toll. Really?”

Asahi lifted an eyebrow, grin positively _malicious_. “Damn skippy.”

Noya felt his cheeks warm. How dare he. “I don’t know that I like you very much. What’s the toll?”

“Kissing toll,” he said easily, eyes flicking back to his book. Only the red at the tips of his ears gave him away as being embarrassed—Noya wanted to keel over and die, personally. They hadn’t kissed since that night on the beach almost a week ago. It wasn’t that he hadn’t thought about it, really; he tended to think about it in excruciating, arousing detail. It was just that he’d been too embarrassed to actually try and do it again. Now that he was sure it hadn’t been a one-time thing, he felt his face catch fire.

He eyed Asahi from across the couch, glowering. Kissing toll, indeed! If that was the game stupid, sexy Asahi wanted to play, then Noya was going to play to win.

He shifted in his seat and leaned over towards Asahi, punching him in the arm to get his attention before snatching his book away and tossing it haphazardly across the room. It landed in another chair, and as Asahi managed a low, “Hey, what—“, Noya slid into his lap and silenced him with an open-mouthed kiss.

Asahi was still for all of half a second before his eyes drifted shut. He sighed into it, one thumb rubbing circles into Noya’s forearm. He ran his tongue over Asahi’s bottom lip, just to see what he would do, and was rewarded with a quick little gasp that went straight to his chest.

One hand came up to pull his hair free of its loose bun, and he pulled away just long enough to shoot it into the same chair his book had landed in. Asahi tried another, “Hey”, but was interrupted once more as Noya pushed himself closer, their mouths coming together again as his arms looped around Asahi’s neck.

The soft sounds that he managed to pull from Asahi as his tongue explored were so, so gratifying—completely unbidden. He felt himself briefly come off the couch as Asahi shifted to lean against the arm, hands coming to rest on Noya’s waist. The tremble of his fingers where they were latched to Noya’s shirt was enough of a clue that he was losing his self-control.

Noya smiled into the kiss, pulling Asahi’s bottom lip between his teeth and then releasing it and pulling away. Asahi gave a little dazed whine that almost, almost convinced him to keep going.

Almost.

“Well, that was the most fun I’ve ever had paying a toll,” he breathed. He managed to pull himself to his feet, narrowly avoiding the way Asahi tried to hook his arm around his waist and pull him back down. Noya grinned, cheeks red. “I’ll be awake at five tomorrow, so come and get me before you leave, Asahi.”

“H-Huh?”

“Good night!”

Noya shut the door behind him and began the hike back to his house. He steadfastly ignored the mortified twisting in his gut and the way his lips were still wet and tingly. That was something to focus on later. For now, he had definitely won, and that suited him just fine.


	11. Chapter 11

Noya had somehow managed to keep his nerves in check for the better part of the hour and a half it had taken them to get into town, but they second they stepped out of the bus, he was on high alert. Without thinking too hard about it, he laced his fingers with Asahi’s.

“Noya?”

He shook his head, suddenly aware of what he was doing. He pulled his hand away. “’M sorry, Asahi-san, I—”

“Don’t apologize,” he said softly. “If you ever want to hold my hand, you can. Is something wrong? You look… antsy.”

“Antsy isn’t out of character,” Nishinoya breathed, determined to pick a direction and begin walking with or without him. He did so, and Asahi grabbed his hand this time, guiding him the other way.

“Store’s this way.”

Noya flushed. “… Right. Let’s go.”

They walked along in silence—Noya was too aware of any eyes that may or may not have been on him at all. He lifted a hand to his throat, masking the action by taking his own pulse. Not like he couldn’t feel it all through his skin and in his head, anyway.

Too fast.

The town they were in was hardly big enough to be called a city, but there were enough people wandering around to set Noya on edge. Why had he even agreed to come? Why had Asahi asked him? He _knew_ —

“Nishinoya,” Asahi murmured, and the hand rubbing circles into the small of his back was enough to ground him. He forced his gaze upwards. Tried to smile. “Nobody’s looking at you.”

“I know.” He did, he did know. He’d been on the lookout for anybody that looked at him just a little too long, anybody that lit up with a glimmer of recognition, and there had been one. Only one. It had been Asahi. He took a long breath. “Sorry. You probably think I’m weird.”

Asahi squeezed his hand. “I don’t. And who cares what they think of you? Didn’t you tell me that, once?”

“High school Nishinoya needed to learn to keep his big mouth shut,” Noya said, strained laugher relaxing into something a bit more natural when he met soft brown eyes. “… He didn’t know what he was talking about, and you were a fool for trusting him.”

“Love makes fools of us all,” he said easily.

They turned into a store of some kind, Noya too stunned to think. After a long moment, he blinked, and Asahi had filled half a hand basket of miscellaneous items. “I…”

The barest whisper of something that sounded suspiciously like his name drew his attention to a pair of men standing down the aisle from them, leaning towards each other and talking. One of them caught his gaze and quickly looked away, pale.

Noya clenched a hand in Asahi’s shirt. “… Are you almost done, Asahi?”

“I can be done now, if you need me to,” Asahi replied.

He shook his head. “No, it’s… just… You can finish, it’s fine.”

He walked the rest of the store with one hand securely in Asahi’s shirt, feeling like a child that had been caught shoplifting. Asahi couldn’t protect him from that—from himself, and besides, did he even want that? He was an adult, wasn’t he?

But that man had recognized him, and for the first time in nearly six months, Nishinoya was afraid.

“Air,” Nishinoya said suddenly, taking a step away from Asahi and shaking his head. “I—I’m going outside. For some air. I’ll be right back.”

Asahi didn’t have time to respond before Noya tore outside, breath coming in short gasps. He leaned back against the wall, trembling—he slid to the ground.

“Are you okay?”

He sucked in a breath at a young woman’s concerned gaze, forcing a shaky nod. “Fine. Thanks.”

She stared a little too long, and then—“Hey, aren’t you… that missing volleyball player? Oh my god, are you okay?”

Noya felt his world begin to crash around him. His hand grasped at his shirt over his heart—he was sure it was going to erupt from his chest. “N-No, I’m not—please, _please_ don’t—”

“Everyone has been looking for you,” she said, eyes wide. “Do the police know you’re alive?”

“I— _please—_ ”

Her phone was out before he could stop her, and before he could stop himself, he was already running.

“Hey, wait!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I liiiiiiiiiiiiiive! ... Didn't mean to take so long. Sorry.


	12. Chapter 12

“… outside. For some air. I’ll be right back.”

Asahi frowned as he watched Noya nearly run down the aisle and turn out of the store. He took a long breath, shaking his head—one day, he’d get Nishinoya to rely on him when he was scared. Until then, he’d just have to support him in the only way he knew how: by letting him process alone for a while.

He gathered the rest of his items quickly and went to check out, eyes wandering the store in hopes that Noya might have come back already. The two men that had been in the aisle with them earlier were standing near the entrance, looking at a board on the wall. One of them was on his phone.

Asahi paid the cashier as quickly as he could without being awkward about it, managing a smile as he made his way over to where they were standing.

It was a missing persons board.

He felt his heart sink to his knees as he scanned it, hand clenching in the plastic of his bags. His eyes fell upon the picture of Nishinoya Yuu, pale and terrified in a black and white photo with darkened spots around his neck.

Bruises.

“Nishinoya.” The word fell off his lips like a prayer, and then he was running.

The shout of a young woman on the sidewalk drew his attention before he had even cleared the doors—nothing more than a short, “Hey, wait!” He twisted his head to face where she was looking and barely caught sight of a flash of black as it turned the corner a few streets away.

He dropped his bags. “Yuu!”

Before he knew it, he was running again—how had he not noticed how bad it was? He’d obviously been afraid, and he’d even told him about how something had happened. Not unrecognizable, he’d said. Finally found a place where nobody knew him. Nobody came to Gesaku without a reason. He’d been hinting about it since they’d met half a year ago. How could he have even thought to bring Noya out here when he was so scared? And now—

What had happened? What was Noya so afraid of?

Dark bruises on pale skin flashed through his mind, and Asahi felt his chest swell. It almost hurt to remember Nishinoya—his confident, brave, strong Nishinoya—looking like he had in that picture. Hurt. Scared. Alone.

Whatever happened, it had changed him; Asahi wanted to get to the bottom of it. But he had to find Noya, first.


	13. Chapter 13

“Nishinoya!”

Noya curled himself further into the patio wall. His voice wasn’t working, not like he wanted it to—he wanted to call out, wanted Asahi to come find him. The only sounds he could make were quiet whimpers.

Asahi had described a panic attack to him once; he wondered vaguely if this was his own version of that. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak, couldn’t think. There was just static. The rush of his own heart.

A car rushed by the store.

He took a breath. He was fine, right?

Nobody was after him, he wasn’t hurt. That woman had just wanted to help. His stomach twisted in shame. He’d really overreacted, hadn’t he?

He was fine.

“Noya, _please!”_ Asahi’s voice called from somewhere nearby.

His lip trembled. He couldn’t bring himself to stand up, not yet, but—

“Asahi?” His voice was shaky, and barely there, but he hoped it was enough.

Running footsteps slowed, then came to a halt. “Noya, are you there?”

It sounded like he was in the alley running adjacent to the store where he’d ended up. He sucked in another breath, calling for him with as much voice as he could muster. He heard Asahi pivot on one foot, and then he was kneeling in front of him, hands outstretched and eyes completely focused.

Noya sobbed. “Asahi—”

“Are you okay? Can I touch you?”

All he could manage was a nod—he wasn’t sure which question he was answering. Regardless, Asahi pulled him into his arms, cradling his head with one hand and wrapping the other around his waist. He was squeezing a little too tight, but at the moment, Noya didn’t want anything else. He could breathe with the sound of Asahi’s slowing heartbeat, and that was all he needed.

After a long moment, Noya reached up to wipe the remaining tears from his eyes.

“You scared me,” Asahi breathed, running his hand up and down his back.

Noya blinked slowly. “’M sorry, Asahi. I just…”

“You don’t need to explain yourself to me,” he murmured. “If you want to talk, though, I’m here.”

“I-I want to. … When we get home?” He trailed off, uncertain.

“Okay.” Asahi nodded. He took a steadying breath and nodded again. “Okay.”

Noya placed a quick kiss on his cheek and brought himself to his feet, blinking at the sudden rush of blood to his head. He shook it off, but didn’t let go of Asahi’s arm. Grown man or otherwise, he didn’t want to walk by himself. Asahi didn’t seem to mind, anyway, walking with him all the way back to the store to pick up the fallen groceries, and then to the bus stop beyond.

The bus pulled up to the stop, and Noya squeezed his hand as they boarded.

“Thanks, Asahi.”

He squeezed back. “It’s my pleasure, Yuu.”


	14. Chapter 14

Noya didn’t even bother waiting until his front door was closed to pull Asahi down and into a kiss—softer than he normally would, but he did his best to put everything that he was feeling into it. Joy, fear, love, and gratitude—overwhelming gratitude.

Asahi nudged the door shut behind them. Noya latched his arms around his neck, pushing himself as far up as he could.

“Noya,” Asahi murmured, barely pulling away. “… Noya. If you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to, but you also don’t have to do this.”

He sighed. “Don’t have to do what?”

In place of a reply, Asahi leaned down and used his hand to guide Noya’s chin upwards, locking their lips together. He leaned back after a long moment, separating from Noya completely. The little breathy sigh elicited was almost enough to make Asahi want to keep going.

But that would defeat the purpose.

“You saw, didn’t you.” A statement, not a question.

Asahi ran a hand down Noya’s arm. “All I saw was someone I love hurting. I don’t know what anything else meant. I wasn’t worried about anything else.”

Noya grabbed Asahi’s hand and lifted it to his cheek. His eyelashes brushed against rough skin as he blinked. “There was a police board in that store, wasn’t there?”

“Yes.”

“And you saw my picture on it.”

“Yes.”

He took a shuddery breath. “… A year ago, I… I was the libero for the national team. I loved it. Playing was great. The attention was great. I… fed off it, in a way. Um, but one night, I went outside for a breather in between sets. Somebody—some crazy fan, I guess—uh, he attacked me. Not… not to hurt me, or anything, but…” He swallowed, rough. The memory of a hand on his throat was held barely at bay by squeezing Asahi’s hand. “I was the only openly bisexual member of the team, and I guess he thought…”

Asahi felt his heart drop to his stomach. He wanted to pull him back into a hug, but settled for running his thumb across Noya’s cheekbone. He tried desperately to keep his hand from shaking.

“I fought back, obviously,” Noya said, standing a little straighter. He looked more like himself with a determined expression. “Managed to get away, call the police. Told my coach, but… I was scared, honestly. Really scared. He said some things that didn’t sit well. I was worried somebody else was going to… so I…”

“You ran away,” Asahi murmured.

Noya nodded mutely. He made a face. “Coach filed a missing person’s report sometime after I left. He’s the only one left that would notice I was gone. And six months later, I washed up here. Found you. Established myself again. Nearly managed to lock that particular trauma away. It’s all gone to shit now, obviously.”

“Nothing’s gone to shit,” he said, voice soft. “Somebody’s reported you not missing, so nobody’s looking for you anymore, right? And you’ve still got a good place here…  But I can tell you that trauma like that doesn’t just go away. That will stay with you always. What changes is how you deal with it. Eventually. Slowly. With help.”

He rested his forehead on Asahi’s chest. “What chance do I have against my own brain, Asahi? It’s not… It’s not that simple.”

“I never said it would be. But hey, I heard a rumor that your boyfriend happens to be an expert in dealing with intrusive thoughts and anxiety.” Asahi paused for a moment, running his fingertips up and down Noya’s back. He was so small. One day, Asahi wanted him to stand up and fill the room with his energy again. Until then, he’d deal with it the only way he knew how. “… Also that he had really great hair.”

Noya, despite everything, snickered into his shirt. His next words were muffled, but the accompanying hand on his butt made it much clearer.

“And a nice ass.”

Asahi barely managed to mask a squeak, ears burning. “Nishinoya—!” Suddenly, he was being kissed again. Soft, sweet. Very Noya.

“I love you, Asahi. Thank you.”

He wondered vaguely if it were possible to melt down a drain.

“I… I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end! Thanks for sticking with it! I'm generally displeased with how it turned out, but most of what I write is one-off pieces of trash, anyway. I aspire to write something really long and impressive one day! These two are very good bois. I love them. Love them with me!


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